They are not ours.

It is so sad that Linda has cancer. One of her breast is gone. She now has cancer in her lymphatic system and her brain. It is so hard to think about. She does not speak about it in that way. We speak about the chemo and the symptoms but not the possibility of death and I respect her for that but it also allows me to live in denial. When I see her I can she is I'll. She has no body hair and her skin is darker. When I saw her I asked her if she had been tanning. I know it sounds weird but I was told to sun bath a couple of years ago when I was having trouble absorbing vitamin D. I loved it cause I would put on my speedo and put get some heliotherapy and it was snazzy. She told me that her hands and feet are darker because it is the side effects of one of her meds.
My friend Angela has a friend that committed suicide because she could not deal with her cancer either. So Angela and I had lots to talk about yesterday. It was really hard but I do have not have a great track record with death. I do not think I ever really reacted to Ian's death and I thought he was the love of my life.
I know that both Patrick and Crysta killed themselves but these things are hard. Angela is blaming herself and that is making me think I need to spend more time with Linda. I am so glad she will be in my wedding. I really do not know how long she has. We did grow up together and when we see each other its like we saw each other yesterday. I wonder how much longer she has. I wonder what is going to happen to Mike, her Mike not my Mike. With her mother's issue and I feel bad.
I need to see her more and involve myself. Not only for me but for her. I think it should be for her!

A day in my life

Went to a coffee shop this morning with Angela to a Christian coffee shop and even though I am usually uncomfortable at places like this I was quite impressed. The coffee was really good and the place itself was pretty cool. It was huge and had all these beautiful computers that one could get on. The decor was sublime.
Angela and I had a great time. We talked about our kids. I really enjoy talking to her and Valarie about the children. Then she took me over to Fiesta and got stuff for he wedding. She gave me these things as a gift. She had wanted to throw me a shower and I really did not feel good about having people buying me gifts twice especially since its my second wedding. She really wanted to do something for me so she decided she wanted to get me stuff for the children's table I am planning. She got some beautiful Mexican paper flowers, the pinata and the Mexican bingo(Loteria) gifts for the kid.
I did not expect such a wonderful thing from such a new friend. She is such a good and giving woman. We are so trying to go to the pool for aqua jogging. I hope that can help me get back on the exercise cause I am having such a horrible time with it.
The day before I went with Linda to the same store. I love Linda but she has cancer and I am so worried and I am scared.

Movement

I do not move enough nor do I exercise. I am sad and I feel fat!
SAD!
I was hoping all this was over and I am only like 8.lbs up.
It is a bad, sad and dreary day. I am pretty sure that I will be going to some class tonight. I need to see if I can come up with something?
It is funny that weight can make or break your day no matter what?