Crafty

Crafty
small step for my kind

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

They are not ours.

It is so sad that Linda has cancer. One of her breast is gone. She now has cancer in her lymphatic system and her brain. It is so hard to think about. She does not speak about it in that way. We speak about the chemo and the symptoms but not the possibility of death and I respect her for that but it also allows me to live in denial. When I see her I can she is I'll. She has no body hair and her skin is darker. When I saw her I asked her if she had been tanning. I know it sounds weird but I was told to sun bath a couple of years ago when I was having trouble absorbing vitamin D. I loved it cause I would put on my speedo and put get some heliotherapy and it was snazzy. She told me that her hands and feet are darker because it is the side effects of one of her meds.
My friend Angela has a friend that committed suicide because she could not deal with her cancer either. So Angela and I had lots to talk about yesterday. It was really hard but I do have not have a great track record with death. I do not think I ever really reacted to Ian's death and I thought he was the love of my life.
I know that both Patrick and Crysta killed themselves but these things are hard. Angela is blaming herself and that is making me think I need to spend more time with Linda. I am so glad she will be in my wedding. I really do not know how long she has. We did grow up together and when we see each other its like we saw each other yesterday. I wonder how much longer she has. I wonder what is going to happen to Mike, her Mike not my Mike. With her mother's issue and I feel bad.
I need to see her more and involve myself. Not only for me but for her. I think it should be for her!

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